


electric love

by cat6oys



Category: IZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and hyunjun is left in the dark bc as far as he knows soojung is named jihoo, and they were ROOMMATES, based on the webdrama Dear My Name, basically soojung goes through a sexuality crisis bc Woah his soulmate's a Guy, but i changed certain things up as well as the format, hyunjun catboy, it doesn't match his soulmate mark, junyoung bi bassist, mention of weed but it's in hyunjun's short past, minseok femboy, straight soojung- or so he Thinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat6oys/pseuds/cat6oys
Summary: Soojung gets his soulmate’s initials inked on his body at the age of sixteen when he burnt his wrist on the stove top. It was only when he tucked himself in for the night after having finished dinner, settled back and ready for sleep to usurp his motor functions, did he check his wrist. He rolls up his left sleeve—And blinks.There lies now on the saturated red tone of his flesh, the joint that connects his five fingers and palm to his forearm, are the inked letters “LHJ”.orSoojung goes through a sexuality crisis after suspecting Hyunjun is his (possible) soulmate; meanwhile Hyunjun is unaware Soojung's his soulmate because everyone refers to him as Jihoo.
Relationships: Lee Hyunjun/Lim Soojung | Jihoo
Comments: 20
Kudos: 8





	1. LHJ

Soojung gets his soulmate’s initials inked on his body at the age of sixteen when he burnt his wrist on the stove top. In his ill condition— blurry eyed and brain running slower than his cheap internet speed— it takes his body a full five seconds to react to the abrupt burning sensation that lands itself onto his exposed wrist. His long sleeves had ridden up in the process with a blanket draped around his body for comfort reasons. 

Dashing to the sink, he runs his burning red flesh under spurting cold water and unbothered to lift up the fallen long sleeves, it gets wet in advance. But in a frantic state of being incredibly slow and trying to get his body to cooperate with his brain, he doesn’t notice any abnormalities. His primary focus was treating the reddened area, and for now water was his best option on relieving the burn. He doesn’t notice when inked words had appeared on his burnt wrist; he doesn’t notice how the letters seem to glow when he mindlessly ran his thumb over the red mark to somewhat soothe the stinging, eyes drifting towards the bathroom to fetch some cream ointment. And he definitely doesn’t notice the shock that courses over his spine after applying said cream to the area. 

His excuse was mainly on his vision. He wore no glasses to the kitchen (his fault) and got himself burnt over something as silly as stretching his arms too close to the boiling pot filled with chicken broth. So the next time he goes into the kitchen, he makes sure to bring his glasses. It was only when he tucked himself in for the night after having finished dinner, settled back and ready for sleep to usurp his motor functions, did he check his wrist. He rolls up his left sleeve— 

And blinks. 

There lies now on the saturated red tone of his flesh, the joint that connects his five fingers and palm to his forearm, are the inked letters “LHJ”. And Minseok, one of his best friends that lives on the dead-end street next block, wakes up to an earful of something about hallucinations and a random tattoo on his best friend’s wrist. 

Soojung spends the next four years in search of his soulmate with the initials “LHJ” attached to his left wrist after a confirmation from Google and written records of past soulmates over the last centuries— the most infamous being a royal queen and a lady’s maid from a rival kingdom, who were actually erased from history until hidden transcribed records were found. He sought after all the girls in his school with last names that began with “L” and reduced his list to first names that began with “H”. Several girls had the “L” and the “H” down but their names were always short of one letter: J. 

Lim Haewon, a girl in his PE class who never actually bothered with the sports activities; Lee Heeyoung, an honor roll junior who he knew only by name; Lee Hyemi, one of the kindest popular girls who was an active volunteer member. But all of them were not his soulmates according to the initials on his wrist. He began to wonder if it was possible his soulmate did not attend the same high school that he did. 

Then he heard about the new transfer student in his senior year by the name of Lee Hyojin. To discreetly engage in a conversation with her without seeming like a stalker, he joined as many clubs as his counselor allowed in hopes of meeting the girl. Volunteer club, book club, environmental club, theatre club, and a color guard club, even if he had no prior interest in them and because those were the five most popular clubs in his school. He attended all the first meetings, skipping short of each to make it in time for the others but still no sight of the brown haired girl with fair skin and two friends hanging by her arm. 

He dropped the volunteer club, book club, and environmental club because the last two were required to perform in school events and Soojung figured he held a higher chance of meeting this girl if he were to participate _at_ school grounds. He attended his first football game after about four weeks of color guard practice— who knew he was so good with arm movements— when he finally caught sight of the girl he was looking for since the beginning of senior year in the crowded bench dressed in a cheerleader uniform and purple bows in her hair. 

She looked marvelous standing there, pretty and gentle true to the whispered words in the hallways he passed in between break time and classes, and there was a moment he could’ve sworn she looked at him. But then the whistle blared, his gaze drifted up to the audiences to see Minseok and Junyoung cheering him on despite not being the biggest sports fans, and he was brought back to reality that his team was to begin their performance. 

He positioned his flag and performed purely on muscle memory and music cues that were drilled into his head after countless clappings and countings to the rhythm and intense hours doing each individual movement over and over. He could even afford time to occasionally glance back at the cheerleader before moving onto the next choreography, which he was reprimanded by his captain later on for letting distractions get to him. The color guard team was sent to the bench after a huge audience applause and the cheerleaders were up next to show off their teamwork. 

If anyone asked Soojung what happened during the football game, he wouldn’t be able to recall what events went down because all he stared at was the cheerleader, who caught his eyes back a few times but he would pretend to be looking elsewhere or waving at someone else. He made up his mind to try to talk to her after the games were over due to persuasion from a few of his teammates, who had caught on who was the star of his night, and planned a few phrases ahead of time in the cases it did work out. The whistles blew and the audience began to leave the stadium, and Soojung thought this was his chance. He skipped down the bleachers, marked wrist hidden behind his back, approached the team of cheerleaders and—

The girl sprinted straight past him and into the arms of a football player, who removed his helmet and spun her around in victory over his team’s win. 

_Oh. So that’s how fate plays around_ , was what Soojung thought, standing there awkwardly in the middle of the field near a team he didn’t belong to. He was beginning to attract attention from the unfamiliar cheerleaders, so he quickly backpedals and follows the rest of his retreating color guard teammates. 

The incident with Lee Hyojin was the last time he attempted to look for his soulmate, stuck with the theatre club and his color guard team for the remaining senior year because deadlines for drop-outs and sign-ups had already passed. He was bitter he couldn’t join his two best friends in the band club in his last year of high school, but one thing he did benefit from was being able to showcase his vocals in the theatre club for their few musical activities. 

On the night he performs his school’s rendition of The Addams Family Musical as Gomez Addams, he earns the praises of his few color guard teammates who attended the play, his two best friends, and as well as Hyojin, approaching him after the show to compliment his voice. He gives his thanks and awkwardly bids her a good night; she turns around and unconsciously flashes her wrist with the initials “LHJ”. 

What a small world for the LHJ’s out there. 

A graduation and three years later, Soojung’s living in an off-campus apartment in his junior year with, of course, his two best friends— both younger than him and taken under his wing. It’s a minimal apartment that isn’t borderline expensive, but not enough to be considered cheap either. It’s got three bedrooms, which was more than enough for the trio considering how pricey living expenses with more than one bedroom can be, a bathroom that connects to the second bedroom, a small open kitchen that can accommodate only two people at a time, and a living room with a quite miserable view of the herbal medicine shop across the road. The land owner is easy on renting students fortunately, seeing as there were about twenty other groups of students renting in the same building as them. 

But the problem lies in the fact that Junyoung’s having difficulty getting paid on time with the shitty cafe job he has a few blocks down; most times, he has his mom help pitch in his share of the renting cost. So, Soojung proposes they get a fourth roommate after the third time Junyoung’s paycheck doesn’t come in. They post on Craigslist about their living condition and their need for an additional roommate, but receive a few comments who were oddly mainly adult men miserable over their small payment jobs. The trio had rather expected students their age to contact them, and so their offer was left unread for a few days. 

It’s a Thursday evening that Minseok comes barging into Soojung’s room that Junyoung was also conveniently in, playing video games together, with excitement on the tip of his tongue. 

“You guys, I may have found us a roommate!” 

Soojung pauses the game upon hearing that, causing Junyoung to crash, but he cranes his head up at Minseok in interest. Minseok is practically bouncing on the tip of his toes from the looks of it, holding onto the door knob for stability. 

“He’s my go-to partner in my queer arts course. We’ve been doing projects together ever since. He mentioned today that he’s been looking for a place— wants to move out of his home to live the independent experience— so I told him about our situation. He asked if he can visit the house tomorrow.”

“And you said...?” Soojung asks, sitting up straight. 

“Well, I told him I’d ask you first since you’re the daddy dom.”

“Please do not call me that. Hashtag not poggers,” Soojung sighs out at the same time Junyoung gags. Minseok chuckles at their reactions.

“Kidding. I said I’ll text him once I let you guys know.”

Soojung peeps through the gap between the door and Minseok’s legs, and nods in the general direction. 

“Did you finish cleaning out the room?”

After Soojung’s proposal of an additional roommate, the three friends had played odd rounds of rock-paper-scissors to determine who would share a room with another while Junyoung’s previous bedroom would be taken by their future roomie. The room was located further down the hall across the bathroom and its air vent was miraculous in the summer, but was often too cold for Junyoung’s liking. Soojung’s body wasn’t too fond of the cold either, having to bunch up on layers of socks and hoodies whenever Minseok complained of the heat and thus the air conditioner had to be turned on. Minseok’s room was probably the nicest of all three— and convenient since the bathroom was connected— but it seemed stuffy due to the amount of fake plants Minseok owned. He loved them to death and Junyoung never seemed to mind them, especially now that they’re sharing a singular room together. 

“Yeah, I just gotta swipe out a few gunks but other than that, we’re set,” Junyoung responds, sinking into Soojung’s bed. 

“Is it your anime figurines?”

“Nah, those were the first things I moved. It’s my clothes.”

Soojung looks tired. “I really don’t get your sense of priorities sometimes.”

And he heads out, most likely to pack Junyoung’s clothes for him as Minseok and Junyoung guesses. (They guessed right.)

Soojung only has a two-hour lecture class in the early morning on Friday’s, so he returns home exceptionally early and decides to tidy up the living room. Minseok texted him in class that he wanted to throw a tiny gathering of just the three of them plus their guest friend as a sort-of bonding experience. He seemed really keen on his classmate, possibly even liked him a bit too much to consider platonic— Soojung would question him later— but Soojung will admit he’s curious himself as to what the guy was like. He isn’t even sure if Minseok dropped his name somewhere in their group chat. 

He vacuums their giant moss-like rug that took up half the living room— it looked exceptionally smaller on the IKEA website than it did in real life— and slaps the dents out of the couch pillows before deciding to take a quick nap in his room. His body must’ve been more exhausted than he thought because the moment he was awoken by Junyoung telling him Minseok’s coming home in mere minutes with their guest did he glance over at his uncovered curtains. The sun had already dipped into a deep purple, approaching night time but still stubbornly hanging onto the last bits of daylight. 

Soojung grumbles out something that even his own brain can’t decipher, grabs a quick change of clothes, and showers because the aftermath of any nap always left him feeling grimy. When he had stepped out with a towel hung around his head, he spotted Junyoung at the front door preoccupied with the delivery man as he passed him two bags of contained food. Minseok was in the kitchen, cooking instant noodles from the looks of it, and an unfamiliar face sat awkwardly by the couch. 

The stranger notices his presence and stands up to shake his hand.

“Hi, I’m Hyunjun,” the brunette greets. 

Soojung goes to shake his hands. “I’m—”

  
  
“Jihoo! Hyunjun’s here!” Minseok shouts, happily pointing to where their guest was. He’s got an invisible dog tail wagging out somewhere in another alternate dimension.

Jihoo was a nickname Minseok and Junyoung had given him back in middle school where he had formed a friendship with the boys for reasons they never clarified. They used it for when they gamed with him, so much that it eventually became a part of his username. They used his real name in the privacy of their apartment, but in public spaces and in the presence of others their mouths automatically filtered in Jihoo. Again, Soojung doesn’t exactly know why but he lets it be. 

“Yes, Minseok, I have vision.” He shakes Hyunjun’s hand and—

A zap courses through their linked hands, shooting past their wrist and forearm, and they both pull away in startlement. Soojung’s marked initials glow underneath his grey long sleeve but, of course, he fails to notice. 

“Shit— sorry, it’s probably the IKEA rug,” Soojung apologizes.

The shock overtaking his entire palm felt more intense than any other friction shock he’s ever experienced, running deeper through his veins, but he doesn’t let himself think otherwise of the situation. Hyunjun, on the other hand, looks a little more uncertain than Soojung over their first encounter but he doesn’t get a chance to question it because the latter interrupts. 

“I’m Jihoo,”

The previous intensity of the shock fades into motionless static for Hyunjun like a small breeze across a vacant desert. Hyunjun cracks a smile.

“Nice to meet you. I brought drinks if you would like some?”

The pair sat down on the living room floor instead of the couch; Hyunjun pulls out several bottles of Jarritos— mandarin and strawberry flavors— and three cans of Sprite as an alternative choice. They introduce their majors— Hyunjun’s in gender studies and Soojung’s in music— and interesting events they’ve experienced. 

Hyunjun talks about the time he snuck out to a nightclub with older cousins at sixteen, although anyone could tell he was underage based on the Doraemon pajama pants he wore, and somehow he had consumed weed brownies. According to his cousins, he was blabbering nonstop about how he thinks the soulmate system is bull and that anyone could fall in love with anyone regardless if they had their soulmate determined for them, but he had fallen silent when one relative accidentally spilled his shot onto Hyunjun’s shoulder. 

They had asked him what was wrong when he continued to stare at the area and he asked if stained alcohol was supposed to burn like that. In confusion (and slight panic), they rushed him into the bathroom to check and he got a glimpse of inked red letters right by where his collarbone meets his shoulder in the mirror with his cousins crowding around him. 

His cousins had gaped at him, exclaiming he was lucky to receive it so early, because they still didn’t have theirs at the age of twenty two. Hyunjun was flabbergasted because he had fallen under a system he was talking shit about a minute ago. But still, he was curious and a teenager with many questions and feelings. 

So, over the years his interest peaked over anyone whose name starts with an “S”, only to deflate a second later after learning their full name. He wasn’t active in his love pursuance, preferring to let his soulmate find him instead because that’s how the system works, right? They were fated to meet eventually, so why bother wasting time to search for them when they were bound to come to you anytime, in Hyunjun’s own words. 

It left a stale taste in Soojung’s mouth as he reflected on his high school and early college years. 

Junyoung and Minseok have now joined the two with a table packed with food— two bowls of glass noodles because that was all Junyoung could afford and a pot of instant noodles cooked by Minseok— and the latter retells of Soojung’s high school experiences from his perspective. He was the embodiment of the voice encouraging Soojung to pursue girls who he thought was his soulmate while Junyoung was a business enthusiast who sold Valentine cards and candies to soulmates in the hallways and classrooms (but he was caught by supervisors when Minseok had already graduated). 

Soojung stuffs glass noodles in Minseok’s mouth when he reaches the story of Lee Hyojin and the amount of times he saw Soojung in tights during practice. He had obtained many photos of it in his camera roll.

“You took color guard for a whole year over a cheerleader?” Hyunjun was clearly entertained by Soojung’s previous active status.

“Yeah, and theatre. But I discovered new things about myself so...” Soojung admits. He was already humiliated by his best friend, so might as well lay things out on the table.

Junyoung, having spent nineteen years without a soulmate mark, confesses he’s glad he was never a part of the system. It was freeing to love who you love without being held down onto the idea that he was bound to a specific person. The same applies to Minseok, who hooked up with any unmarked artsy boy who crossed his interest. 

Hyunjun tilts his Jarritos bottle in agreement and Minseok talks about the story of how he was pursued by a girl in his class for over a year because she was seriously convinced he was her soulmate— Junyoung and Soojung had witnessed it. It was in Soojung’s senior year and Minseok in junior that he finally got fed up and came out to her as gay that she stopped harassing him. 

“I didn’t even want to come out to anyone in school besides Jihoo and Junyoung,” Minseok sulked. 

“Glad I never went through that shit,” Junyoung says. “Everyone knew me as the bi bassist.”

After they were finished, Minseok and Junyoung went to clean up and Soojung took Hyunjun down the hall to show him his room. Soojung leans against the doorway as Hyunjun takes in the blank surroundings, envisioning where he could place certain belongings. Hyunjun nods with a pursed lip. 

“It’s fitting— much more than I expected. How much?”

“One point five k in total per month, so the rest of us used to split five hundred each. Now it’ll reduce to three seventy five each if you’ll join.”

Hyunjun considers the offer for a beat second.

“It’s a nice offer. I’ll take it,” He simply replies. 

Soojung nods in contentment, feeling like he’s just won a round of Monopoly. 

“Great. I’ll get you the paper works in a few days— um. When do you want to move in?”

The two of them walk out together and Soojung leads Hyunjun to the door, grabbing his coat for him on the way out. The brunette gives his thanks, stepping out into the apartment hallway. 

“Preferably next Wednesday if that’s cool with you? I’ll have to pack starting tonight.”

Soojung shrugs. “Fine by me. I’ll go over the room conditions later through texting if you’d like?”

“Oh, yeah,” He breathes out as if it just occurred to him his contact information was needed. 

They exchange phones to input their own numbers in the devices and the other two pop around the corner to peer over them. Minseok tucks his chin onto Soojung’s shoulder.

“Bye Hyunjun. Have a safe night!”

Hyunjun breathes out a slight breathy laugh at that and waves at them once Soojung switches his phone back. 

“You too,” he bids and he takes a step away before he pauses in his tracks. He’s staring at Soojung’s hand holding his phone, so Soojung, too, looks down in confusion. The inked letters “LHJ” have somehow turned pink under the yellow hallway lighting without Soojung’s awareness.

“Oh, you met your soulmate already?” Hyunjun points at his wrist.

Soojung hums out in puzzlement. 

“I heard your mark turns pink when you’ve met your soulmate. That’s cool.” He whistles. “LHJ. What a coincidence.”

He waves once more in farewell at the shell-shocked faces and leaves in heavy steps on the dull mouse grey carpet floor due to the boots he wore today. The elevator pings in the distance and the two best friends pull Soojung away from the door to shut it. 

The blonde turns around to face the two, who both have a glint in their eyes as if they knew something his brain was _not_ getting. He waits in silence, wrist still out, for a verbal answer to either of the two staring at him.

And then it clicks.

Denial kicks in and he pulls out his phone in disbelief as if to prove his and the other’s implications wrong. 

Under his contact list with the newly added number, the name reads:

Lee Hyunjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of now, ik i still haven't finished my other iz fic but i've been planning this idea/au for months and i couldn't help it so . here we are .
> 
> it is not required to watch the drama to understand or follow this fic because i do change things up, but if you have free time and you want to, the episodes are all available on youtube. it's light and comedic, and i actually liked how the writers had the male lead accept his sexuality over time before he found out about the reveal.
> 
> kudos and comments motivate me to keep writing !! that way so i know i'm not shouting into the void !! <3


	2. i'm not gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His first reaction is denial, strongly convincing himself— and others— of his interest in girls, but it’s so pathetic that even Minseok pities him by his heterosexual commitments.
> 
> Soojung’s second reaction that goes hand-in-hand with his denial is his certainty that their IKEA moss rug is to blame for all the “friction” shocks he and Hyunjun experience when in contact.
> 
> His third reaction, which is by far the stupidest thing he’s done, was to order a whole pack of suggestive magazines with women on the front cover and purposefully display them to Hyunjun whenever he passes the hallway.
> 
> or 
> 
> Soojung goes out of his way to convince everyone he's straight.

It is dramatic that Soojung reacts the way he does after finding out his possible soulmate is a guy, but it does happen in the supposed heterosexual lifestyle. His first reaction is denial, strongly convincing himself— and others— of his interest in girls, but it’s so pathetic that even Minseok pities him by his heterosexual commitments. 

“Soojung, you  _ are _ aware that you don’t need to compliment every girl you see in order to prove that you’re—” He does air quotes with his fingers. “— “straight”, right?”

Minseok and he were sitting in the middle rows of their lecture class that was dismissed twenty minutes early from the set time in favor of the professor handing back their quizzes. Soojung has his chin on his hand, analyzing every girl in the classroom and what feature he finds attractive on them. The girl with the beret’s got an unbleached silk dress on and eyes that look stunning in rose-gold eyeshadow. The gloss on her lips accentuates the pop of her overall makeup— a finishing touch to an artistic work. She looks too dressed to be in a history class at eleven in the morning, but no one could fault her for her fashion statement. Soojung could see himself on an art museum date with a girl like that.

His eyes land on the girl collecting her test papers up front. She’s adorned in a long coat that reaches to her knees, although the weather this morning isn’t particularly cold, and her layered bangs cover the rest of her eyes. Her lipstick is in tune with a dark burgundy shade, sharp and neat, that matches her nails. A picture of her in a cafe would be categorized as a “girlfriend material” type of photo on Instagram for thousands of strangers to see. 

He says so to Minseok and his buddy can’t bring himself to disagree because all these girls  _ were _ attractive in their own ways and, quite frankly, who was he to judge them because his friend was creating a one hundred page slideshow of his heterosexuality? No one cares enough to even read  _ one _ page of his slideshow, but he persists. Minseok can’t fault him, though, because sexuality  _ is _ a confusing topic to approach and apply. He’s grateful, in a way, of the approach Soojung seems to be using instead of other worse methods he can list on the top of his head: over-sexualization of random women, homophobia, kicking Hyunjun out of the apartment before he could even move in, etc. The list goes on.

“It can’t be  _ him _ though, Minseok— there’s a lot of LHJ’s out there. Remember Hyojin?”

“I remember her well enough,” Minseok says. “Then explain the color change of your soulmate mark.”

Soojung doesn’t have an answer to that as expected. The professor’s onto last names starting with “F” now, moving onto “G” in a short while. 

“Maybe I bumped into her on campus and my color changed without my notice. We only noticed it became pink because Hyunjun was the first one to point it out.”

They’re onto last names starting with “J’s”, so Minseok pulls Soojung to the front rows and perches their bags onto the lifted seats to await their turn. 

“Plus the definition of soulmates meeting is so  _ vague _ . Does meeting require physical interactions and contact or can it be defined as being in the same room at the same time?”

Minseok shouts, “Here!” after his professor calls out his name, walking to his podium to grab his quiz scores. Soojung grabs his right after because he was the only Lim in that class right after the Kim’s. 

“Well, when we say we’ve  _ met _ someone, usually it means that we’ve at least interacted with them in some way,” responds Minseok. 

The two of them compare each other’s test scores on their way out of lecture, descending down the chipped stairs and onto their way to meet up with Hyunjun to grab a bite outside. Minseok’s score falls short of Soojung’s by two marks, but overall it’s a better grade than the both of them expected. 

“I talk to girls all the time,” Soojung continues, ignoring Minseok’s pointed stare. “Maybe one of them triggered the color change.”

“Uh huh,” They could spot Hyunjun in the distance, sitting with his back turned towards them on the bench outside the library. “And is at least one of their initials LHJ?” 

Hyunjun looks up from his phone and spots them. He throws his bag onto his shoulders and approaches. 

“...No. We’re not talking about this anymore.” 

“Not talking about what?” Hyunjun contributes to the conversation, pausing in his step with a questioning look.

“Nothing!” Soojung interrupts before Minseok could even get a word in. He walks ahead of them to the small tea shop a few streets down from the campus library, leaving them to collect his trail of dust from how fast he was pacing. Hyunjun arches his eyebrows at Minseok in question, but the latter just shakes his head and sighs, “He’s energetic this morning. Don’t ask.”

Soojung’s second reaction that goes hand-in-hand with his denial is his certainty that their IKEA moss rug is to blame for all the “friction” shocks he and Hyunjun experience when in contact. In the evening when the boys were helping Hyunjun heave his belongings into the empty third room in their apartment, Soojung was transporting one of the boxes when Hyunjun offered a hand out of generosity. His fingers graze Soojung’s upper hand and the blonde drops the box due to the shock both parties felt, twitching through their veins and landing goosebumps on their arms. Soojung carries the hefty box and laughs nervously. 

“Sorry about that— curse that IKEA rug, you know? We should’ve thrown it in the fire the minute we got it.” And he scurries away, trying not to let it be obvious that he was in a hurry to get away from their new roommate but, obviously, no one is stupid enough to  _ not _ notice his embarrassment. Hyunjun blinks in bewilderment. 

It happens again in the next three hours with Soojung in the kitchen, plating the sausages Junyoung had fried earlier onto his plate, and Hyunjun moves around him to grab a tissue. Their hips touch and the same shock occurs. Hyunjun’s eyes glance down to something glowing in his peripheral vision but Soojung is already moving out of the kitchen before he could properly see, calling out to Minseok to throw away the rug. 

A minute later, Soojung gets on his knees and begs Minseok not to order an anti-static mat when his friend  _ does _ actually hover his cursor over the order button. “Nothing’s wrong with it!” and “I complain about everything, you know me, I didn’t actually mean it.” were heard from Minseok’s shared bedroom with Junyoung, who’s watching everything enfold in amusement from his side of the room. 

Soojung’s solution from his rug excuses is to avoid all physical contact with Hyunjun as much as possible. That includes creating a distance between them whenever Hyunjun enters the bathroom to also brush his teeth, placing himself behind either one of his best friends as his protective shields, or staying in his room until he’s nearly late for his morning classes to avoid confrontation. 

His third reaction, which is by far the stupidest thing he’s done, was to order a whole pack of suggestive magazines with women on the front cover and purposefully display them to Hyunjun whenever he passes the hallway.

“Hey, Hyunjun—” And he drops the Playboy magazine he was holding onto the floor for Hyunjun to see, pretending it was accidental. “Oh— sorry, didn’t mean for you to see that. I meant to ask you about the lecture notes that were on the board. Did you happen to get a picture of it?” 

He does it for five more days in a row to the point where it’s clear his intentions were no longer accidental to the others, but Hyunjun is too weirded out to question him about it. It’s his sixth try of dropping the magazines does Hyunjun spare him the trouble of further committing to his actions. 

“Listen, Jihoo, if this is your way of asking if I’m interested in seeing the magazines, it’s, uh… generous. But I am not interested in…” Hyunjun picks up the front cover of a woman in a leather dress with a look of discomfort and hands it to Soojung. “...these types of things.”

He leaves Soojung’s room with a tight smile and shuts his bedroom door, cradling a mug of tea. Soojung is stumped, going over all his actions of what made it so obvious and regretting a timeline of all his life choices because why did he have to resort to pornographic content of all things? He asks this to Junyoung, laying on his stomach on his friend’s bed, and Junyoung replies, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the amount of times you dropped it in front of him for it to be  _ just _ coincidental?” 

That shuts Soojung up pretty well and he’s left feeling like a judge had pounded their gavel onto the courtroom bench to close a significant case that’s been on-going for years. So he stops calling out to Hyunjun from his bedroom for bullshit excuses, stops displaying the magazines— he donates them to a thrift store under anonymity— and decides to knock on Hyunjun’s door to apologize to him. The roommate accepts his apology, although he doesn’t believe the situation warrants a verbal apology of any sorts, but he accepts it for the sake of the former’s heavy guilt. 

After that incident, Soojung bandages his soulmate mark— even though everyone already saw it— and favors long sleeves over short ones in the presence of Hyunjun. He feigns ignorance to the shocks he gets, even though Hyunjun clearly wants to bring it up, and pretends life is treating him well at the moment. 

It’s nearly over a week that Minseok hosts another get-together to celebrate a week of the brunette living with them without any fatal injuries. He toasts to shot glasses of ginger ale because he and Junyoung legally cannot drink and bottoms up until the fizz runs dry. Meanwhile, Soojung simply just wants to get drunk to forget about the nightmare that’s been boggling his mind ever since Hyunjun moved in. He downs the cheap fruity liquor and mainly drinks in silence, sullen over how normal people can dress comfortably in their own homes but here he was attired in a hoodie in warm conditions all because of a stupid soulmate mark. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that it makes him seem more suspicious, and Hyunjun had caught on to the distance between the two of them.

Occasionally over the chatter of Minseok exclaiming funny anecdotes, Hyunjun would glance Soojung’s way while sipping on a can of soda. The blonde never notices, still listening to Minseok’s story-telling but zones out otherwise. He drinks shot after shot like they were water, looking sulkier and tipsier by the minute based on his flushed cheeks and pouty lips. Junyoung hides the rest of the alcohol and straight up snatches the shot glass out of Soojung’s hand before he could drink it. Soojung whines, making grabby hands at Junyoung’s fading figure, and leans onto Minseok for comfort. His friend pats him on the head, saying, “There, there.”, and makes noises one would to an upset baby to soothe them. 

He dunks his forehead on his arms when Minseok stands up to clear the table and he feels someone tap on his shoulder. He glances up, squinting at the blurry figure. 

“Hey, you should go to bed. It’s nearly one in the morning,” Hyunjun shoots a tired smile and offers his hand. 

The drunken roomie slaps his hand away with no strength to stand up.

“ _ Nooo _ ,” he refuses, dragging out the end in a childish tone. Soojung pulls on the strings of his hoodie for the hood to envelope his face. 

“You’ll regret sleeping out here tomorrow. Come on, I’ll help you up.”

He ignores the shock when he slings an arm around Soojung’s body to lift him up from the ground— they have a couch but for some odd reason no one ever sat on it during their get-togethers— but Soojung is still stubborn enough to stick to his rules of avoiding physical contact with the boy so he starts pushing at him. 

“No help,” he whines. Hyunjun holds onto him again when he starts leaning. Another shock, growing less and less intense the more they touched. 

“Jihoo, step with your right foot first,” His drunken friend does as told but goes, “Jihoo?”.

“Yes, that is your name. Now your left.” 

They only make three steps towards the short hallway when Soojung starts trying to get out of Hyunjun’s hold again, blabbering about how his name  _ is _ Jihoo, so the latter lets him lean on the wall for a second to let him calm down. When Soojung no longer flails his arms, Hyunjun wraps his arm around his waist and quickly rushes him into his bedroom adjacent to his own. 

He drops Soojung onto his bed and watches him curl up like a shrimp and grasp onto anything soft nearby to shove into his face. Hyunjun yanks the pillow out to prevent suffocation and begins to detangle the hoodie strings. 

“What— are you doing?” Soojung slurs out, smacking at Hyunjun’s hands. 

“I’m helping you get your hoodie off. It’s hot in here,”

“No!” He smacks again so Hyunjun retreats his hands. “No off.”

“Okay, sweat in your sleep then, I guess. But at least sleep on your side.” 

He practically manhandles Soojung’s upper form to roll over and the bed owner squirms until Hyunjun lets go of him, covering his left wrist with his right hand. 

“Don’t look at my name.” The blonde murmurs into his pillow, sliding his left arm under the cool side of the pillow and nudging his face into the material. 

“Everyone saw your mark already, so there’s no need to be embarrassed.” 

“You are not my soulmate,” Soojung mumbles at the same time Hyunjun pushes his feet to be properly situated on the bed. “You will never be my soulmate.”

“Okay, ouch,” Hyunjun lightly scoffs, not taking his words to heart. “Do you hate me that much?”

“You’re a—” A hiccup. “— you’re a guy.”

“Okay… so are you.” He pauses. “Unless you identify as otherwise then my apologies for assuming.” 

“I can’t like you—” Soojung lifts his red face from his pillow to give Hyunjun a glance over from head to toe. If this was in any other context, Hyunjun would’ve assumed Soojung checked him out. “— like  _ that _ .” 

“Thanks for considering it in the first place but, I mean, that’s a topic for another discussion,” He yanks the blanket out from where Soojung was half laying on it and drapes it over his body. “In you go.” 

“There’s nothing to— to— discuss. I’m straight.” Soojung begins scratching at the corner of his band-aid. 

“Good for you. Now go to sleep.” 

Soojung peels the band-aid off and lets it fall onto the pillow he’s hugging, unaware the brunette hasn't left the room quite yet. In the slip of light that peeks from the hallway, Hyunjun could swear Soojung’s pink initials glowed but when he blinks the effect had gone and left was the only ink on pale skin. He stares at the mark, wondering if what he saw was due to the flicker of the hallway lights but a snore slips out of Soojung’s parted mouth. He takes that as his cue to silently leave, closing the bedroom door. 

In the confinement of his own room, underneath the pale yellow lighting, does he shed off his shirt, running his index finger across his collarbone area and pausing at the dip of his shoulder in his reflection. His soulmate’s initials left a slight bump on his skin, raw like a fresh tattoo, and he recalls how long it took him to get used to having a stranger’s name be a part of his limb. The night of leaning on a club’s bathroom sink, shirt unbuttoned and mark exposed for five separate pairs of eyes, felt hazy and dream-like. Going to a club underaged and clearly not expecting the worst besides for getting caught by his parents, and returning home with a stranger’s leash on his collar left a bitter taste that never went away. 

To be marked by a stranger who was destined to be with him according to the fate of this universe did not feel romantic in the slightest to Hyunjun. He was someone who preferred the traditional way of getting to know a person and their name, talking about each other’s interests and common differences, and gradually developing feelings along the way without the concept of romance being shoved into his face. Having a physical mark of someone who he’s never even met meant dating was a taboo subject. It meant being unable to explore his sexuality from an early age because of the hesitancy around developing feelings for others who weren’t set out to be yours in the first place. 

As he thumbs the three equally turned-pink letters on his shoulder, he wonders if his soulmate somewhere out there, too, found their destiny to be constricting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew this chapter i didn't struggle much with the pacing But i did struggle in how to tell it in a way that's light and amusing for readers without too much of a time skip between the characters, so i hope i conveyed that well enough! please look forward to more of soojung trying to convince he's het more to himself than others at this point, we support and love confused gays in this household. (i use gay as an umbrella term unless stated otherwise lol)
> 
> also yes hyunjun is aware he's met his soulmate too (since his mark also turned pink!) but he just doesn't know soojung is his s/o.
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated! reading your thoughts and feedback makes me more motivated to continue this work <33


	3. blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the numerous records written from interviewed soulmates discussing reactions of the body when in the presence of their partner, so few forget to mention that soulmates have the unconscious ability to sense each other’s moods in a close proximity. The history books in school and common pages in local libraries fail to describe the exchange of emotions. If one partner feels burdened, the other will randomly feel an anchor weighing down on their body; if one is anxious, the other is also anxious in return even if they may not know it at the time. 

“Hey, does Jihoo have a girl— partner?” 

That was a question neither of the two had expected to deal with, lounging in Minseok and Junyoung’s bedroom on a Saturday afternoon, and yet the question had hung in the air for Hyunjun ever since their first get-together two weeks ago. Minseok looks up from highlighting one of his key points at Hyunjun, who’s completely unmotivated to continue note-taking.

“Why do you ask?” is what Minseok chooses to respond with, nudging at the heel of Junyoung’s feet with his elbow. The boy looks up from typing his essay. 

“I just assumed he would’ve brought someone over by now, seeing as his mark is pink, is all.” Hyunjun glances over his shoulder at the two, but brushes off their direct stares as curiosity.

“He’s too dumb to make a move on them,” Junyoung replies, attention going back to his screen. 

“Oh? So he does have someone in mind?” 

Hyunjun felt a tad bit guilty talking about Soojung without his presence there, but it proved difficult to communicate without the latter dodging all and any leading conversations and possible contact with him. The distancing situation had gotten a bit better ever since he had apologized to him, but it still was obvious to everyone that Soojung would rather be anywhere than in a room alone with Hyunjun. 

“Eh, I guess you could say that,” Minseok chirps in, but derails the conversation in order to not expose Soojung. “What about you?”

Hyunjun quirks an eyebrow at him in confusion.

“What about me?”

“Have you met your soulmate?”

His hand unconsciously moves to his left shoulder and scratches at his mark hidden underneath the striped longsleeve. He thinks back to the burn at the bar with the stench of alcohol on him. 

“Yeah.”

At this, Minseok leans forward onto his elbows to peer at Hyunjun’s face. Junyoung does the same, lowering his laptop screen. 

“When did you meet them?”

“I don’t know. I just know it’s pink now.” He misses the look both friends share, a silent communication between them, and goes back to stare at his notes. The trio left the topic at that, refocusing on their assignments at hand, as Soojung sleeps off his hangover way past noon in the other room across the hallway. Minseok whispers discreetly to Junyoung a few times but Hyunjun pays no mind, figuring it’s none of his business. 

It’s hours later when a heavy storm hits their side of the city in the night time, rain aggressively pouring and heavy wind encompassing its companion, that Hyunjun comes home soaked from his shift at a supply store to find his roommates sitting in the dark living room. The only light sources were a few lit candles on the coffee table, flashlights, and the streetlights from outside their window. He spots the trio watching a drama of sorts on Junyoung’s laptop— Junyoung on the floor and Minseok cuddling into Soojung’s side on the couch because three people couldn’t fit. 

“ _ Hyunjunn _ ,” Minseok calls out, dragging out the last letter. “The power’s out for the whole block.”

_ Figured so _ , Hyunjun thought as he tugs off his jacket. He was dismissed from his shift an hour early when a power outage had occurred while ringing up the last customer in his lane. There were a few street lights still powered but they flickered in the dark streets as he drove his way home, creating an eeriness he couldn’t shake off until he had made it safely up the flight of stairs. And now, his damp socks uncomfortably kissed the gaps between his toes and he was pretty sure his underwear was beginning to twist into a wedgie. 

He carefully, but quickly, steps into the bathroom to discard his wet clothing into what he hoped was the laundry basket and left his phone’s flashlight feature on top of the counter. Footsteps sound from behind and a candle appears in the doorway. 

“Want some light?” Minseok asks as Hyunjun strips free of his socks. 

“Yeah, thank you,” He covers the shower curtain but hesitates in twisting the tap because Minseok was still by the bathroom door, unsure if he should leave the candle behind. 

“Hey uh… would you mind just staying there? I still need to see where everything is.”

“Oh, yeah, I needed to pee anyway. I won’t look.” 

The water is tapped and in comes a stream of freezing water spurting onto Hyunjun’s scalp, cascading down his back. He grits his teeth and scrubs his head and body to the best of his ability while trying to avoid the cold shower head. There’s some mufflings he couldn’t quite catch, so when he steps out from the shower he doesn’t expect to see Soojung lingering by the doorway with a candle in his hand. The two make eye contact and the other awkwardly looks into the hallway, clearing his throat, but not before his eyes rake over Hyunjun’s body. 

“Minseok had to grab something in his uh—” He points to the bedroom door that connects to the bathroom. “—in his room.”

Hyunjun nods, securing the towel around his waist, and pretends not to notice how Soojung flinches when he side-steps the boy in the doorway to fetch dry clothes from his own room. He’s tugging on some sweatpants when a scream emerges from the hallway and a door slams shut. Minseok runs out a second later, creating vivid concern (and confusion) from the three other boys. 

“There’s a  _ rat _ in my room,” he whispers, aggressively pointing to his closed door. 

Hyunjun cranes his neck as if he could see through it. “Where?”

“It scurried behind one of the plants—” Soojung steps up to open Minseok’s door, but the door knob doesn’t budge. He twists it again as if it’ll do anything. 

“Minseok, please tell me you have your keys.” 

All three turn to see Minseok shoot them an awkward smile that said it all without verbalizing his response. Soojung sighs while Junyoung doesn’t look at all phased; instead, he turns back to the living room and calls dib on the couch, leaving Minseok with the option of sleeping on the ground. But there was an underlying scheme no one took notice of Minseok's “fault” in locking his own room because he clings to Hyunjun and bats his eyelashes at him. 

“Hyunjun, can I  _ please _ sleep in your room tonight?” He hooks his arms around the boy’s neck. “I’ll treat you to anything when the power comes back. Please?”

Minseok even goes as far as standing on his tippy toes to land a peck onto his cheeks, but Hyunjun stretches his neck as far away from his impending doom as possible.

“Just don’t hog the blankets.” 

“Oh, no, I meant—” Minseok throws a nod at Junyoung as a silent code between the two, whatever they meant, and the latter falters in his steps as he rushes into Hyunjun’s room. “ _ I’ll _ be sleeping with Junyoung and you can sleep with Jihoo.” 

“What?” Soojung replies but gets ignored.

“I’m sure Jihoo won’t mind.” Minseok fake yawns and stretches his arms before he starts pushing Hyunjun towards Soojung. “Woof, I’m more tired today than usual. I promise not to drool on your pillows.”

“Do I not have a say in this?” Soojung asks but, once again, is dismissed by Minseok and his mumblings about how he could pass out from exhaustion any second. He steps backwards to avoid collision and together the pair are pushed in the direction of his room adjacent to Hyunjun’s. The latter manages to steady himself by holding onto his roommate’s shoulder.

They make it a foot into the bedroom and already they’re chest-to-chest, holding in breaths, and Soojung’s hand retreats from where it was resting on the other’s waist to steady the both of them. Hyunjun’s body is entirely covered in goosebumps without any garments covering his skin. He turns around to the doorway.

“Wait, Minseok, can I—” The door closes on them and shuffling can be heard from outside. “— grab a shirt?” 

With only a towel to cover his torso, he turns to Soojung, who’s been rooted in place ever since they were pushed inside. 

“Can I borrow one of your shirts? If you don’t mind?”

In hindsight, Hyunjun could have simply turned around and asked Minseok to fetch him one of his old T-shirts but seeing as the two others have already settled down in his room, Soojung was his only choice for the night. The other snaps out of his daze staring at Hyunjun’s collarbones and silently heads towards his closet, grabs the first shirt he finds, and tosses it at the brunette. It’s a plain, white graphic tee but the black stripes on the ends make it look like an old soccer jersey; regardless, Hyunjun throws it on. He hesitates by the singular bed as the other tucks a pillow underneath his arm and carries a thin covering from his closet. 

“I can take the couch, you can take my bed,” Soojung utters. He moves towards the door but is stopped by Hyunjun grabbing his arm. 

“No way, this is your room. I should be the one taking the couch.” Hyunjun grabs the pillow grasped under the other’s arm but Soojung tugs it back. He looks up at him.

“Just take my bed. It’s cold and your hair is still wet. You’re going to wake up with a headache if you sleep outside.” 

Again, Hyunjun fights.

“But this is  _ your _ room.”

When Soojung doesn’t seem to budge, he sighs in defeat. 

“Okay, you know what—” He drags Soojung back to the singular bed by the arm and drapes the towel over his head before sitting down. “— let’s just sleep together. We’re both going to end up freezing if either of us sleeps outside so…” 

He brings the cover forth to tuck his legs underneath, patting at his right side as a gesture for Soojung to lie down as well. The latter follows but before he does, he stacks pillows between them as a boundary and only once do they resist falling down does he settle down in satisfaction. But Hyunjun seems content with sitting upright. He only points to his dampened head when Soojung shoots him a questioning look. 

“You can lie down; it’s fine. I can just change the sheets tomorrow.”

“But wet sheets are inconvenient.” 

Soojung rolls his eyes and leans forward to tie the ends of the towel together so it looks like Hyunjun was adorning a maiden mobcap. He goes back under the covers on his side of the bed. 

“There, now you can sleep.”

Soojung has his back turned away from the other, so he doesn’t notice the small smile Hyunjun shoots his way before he tucks himself underneath the grey covering. It’s quiet between the two, with one facing the window while the other faces the ceiling, and the only audible sounds in the room were of rain droplets landing on the glass panes and steady breaths inhaling and exhaling in a cycle. Soojung changes his head position, finding it difficult to sleep with another person in his bed, but he pauses after his third shift as the noises disturbed the quiet atmosphere. He fans out his breath, closes his eyes but a minute later reopens them to stare at each droplet sliding down the glass windows. 

It goes silent again and just when Soojung thinks the other has fallen asleep, he hears him speak up.

“When I first asked around for apartments, I wasn’t expecting much,” Hyunjun mumbles. “It was a one-shot chance and if I couldn’t find any then that was that. I just wanted to get away from home.”

There’s a beat of silence and a slather of condensation spreads onto the glass pane from the drastic contrast of the temperature indoors and outdoors. Soojung continues staring at the dew drops refusing to leave the window sills. 

“Home is…” Hyunjun swallows uncomfortably, his gulp louder in the midst of silence. “Anyways, I was fortunate enough that Minseok offered. And I don’t know what happened along the way but I’m not stupid enough to not notice how our relationship has been playing out.” 

Soojung hears a shuffling and feels the bore of the other’s eyes digging into his back. He waits.

“So if I did something to offend you, I apologize. But I really want us to amend and hopefully move on from…” Hyunjun gestures vaguely in the air. “...from whatever it is that’s holding you back.” 

There’s another stillness and Soojung realizes after it lingers for too long that the other was expecting a response. He rolls over and, of course, finds the boy already looking at him. Soojung drifts his attention to the shelf over by the foot of his bed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…” he trails off, unsure of how to continue his sentence. Because how else would he explain that he’s been freaking out over the possibility of Hyunjun being his soulmate  _ without _ revealing that exact thing? It seemed foolish now that he had committed to it and he was too naive to realize that Hyunjun was being affected by his very actions until now. 

But his roommate seems to have an inkling on his deal because the next thing he says is—

“Is it the soulmate thing?”

“What?” Soojung whips his head to look at him in surprise. 

“Is it because I asked if you met your soulmate?” Hyunjun takes Soojung’s silence as agreement because he starts lightly laughing and continues.

“I wasn’t aware it was a sensitive topic for you, but if it was I apologize. I didn’t have any ill intentions when I brought it up. Plus, I think the soulmates thing is bull.”

Hyunjun brings his arms under his head and goes back to staring at the ceiling.

“Apparently, I’ve met my soulmate too but I still have no clue who it is. Sure, it sucks that we’re fated without even knowing each other but, I guess, it’s whatever right? If I happen to meet them one day, cool. If I happen to fall for them, then that’s fine. As long as they’re not an asshole.”

Soojung thinks back to earlier when Minseok was pushing Hyunjun against him, of his hands on Hyunjun’s waist, and how he saw an initial glow from the corner of his eyes. The glow had dimmed and stopped completely by the time Soojung had  _ actually _ looked and it was far too dark to see properly, but he knew for sure he had made out the letter “L”. A part of him didn’t want to figure out the rest, but the silence was suffocating and he had no idea how else to continue the conversation. 

“For your soulmate…” he begins quietly, muffled in the blankets. Hyunjun turns to look at him anyways. “...what are their initials?”

He makes eye contact with him right before the other spoke.

“LSJ.”

A clock tower bell rings from one ear to the other, vibrating the center part of his brain, and the rain outside pours heavier down onto the window. A tinge of anxiety shoots through his body. 

_ It can’t be him though. Could it?, _ he thinks. 

For the numerous records written from interviewed soulmates discussing reactions of the body when in the presence of their partner, so few forget to mention that soulmates have the unconscious ability to sense each other’s moods in a close proximity. The history books in school and common pages in local libraries fail to describe the exchange of emotions. If one partner feels burdened, the other will randomly feel an anchor weighing down on their body; if one is anxious, the other is also anxious in return even if they may not know it at the time. 

That’s why Hyunjun’s eyebrows slightly furrow as he stares down at him, confused as to why he feels a discomfort in his chest and a need to comfort. A part of him feels relieved that he and Soojung were actually talking it out, but the other also felt the need to leave the conversation— to have a moment with himself to deal with the slight shock he received. As if he was having a realization, even if he didn’t know exactly what he was realizing. But he lies, studying Soojung’s facial and body language.

“LSJ,” Soojung whispers. He receives a hum as a reply and, once again, looks up at Hyunjun.

“What if your soulmate doesn’t meet your expectation?”

“What? You mean my ideal type?” Hyunjun chuckles.

“I mean… sorta,” Soojung mumbles. After all, his expectation of his soulmate was for them to be a girl.

Hyunjun purses his lips at that, pondering for a few on that question.

“I don’t have much of an expectation, I guess you could say. They just have to be a decent human being.”

Hyunjun moves onto his side with his head on one of his folded arms to face him. The pillows cover the lower half of his face and silhouettes of branches shade his cheekbones.

“How about you?”

“My expectations?” 

At Hyunjun’s nod, he cautiously says as if he was treading on a tightrope, “They would have to be a girl.”

“What would you do if they were not?” Hyunjun smiles in amusement. The silhouettes outline the crinkles by his eyes when he smiles, half buried in the towel around his head. Soojung finds himself following the shadows that move across his face and Hyunjun doesn’t quite miss his diverted attention.

“What  _ can _ I do?” He responds, genuinely questioning himself. He unconsciously bites his lips— a habit out of nervousness— and Hyunjun doesn’t miss it with his gaze shooting down onto the blonde’s mouth. 

“You can either spend a lifetime avoiding them or…” He lifts the blanket up to his chin and buries his face further into the pillows. “...give them a chance.” 

At that, he shuts his eyes close and Soojung belatedly becomes aware of how drained his body was. Sleeping on his side always left his hip bones aching in the morning— Junyoung liked to call him a hag because of that— but he stays in that position, fearing to disturb Hyunjun and lets his mind drift off. 

He thinks of the first time Minseok had come out to him casually as he drank a fruit pouch on his front driveway during the summer. Both he and Junyoung ranked who they believed was the hottest celebrity underneath the shade as Soojung sat in the middle, not knowing any of the celebrities listed. A week later, he had asked them how they knew of their sexualities while lying on the ground in Junyoung’s bedroom, radio blaring some pop song in the background under the cool ventilation.Minseok said his awakening was to the cartoon series  _ Danny Phantom _ and Junyoung abruptly sat up and slapped Soojung’s chest right where his heart was. He said something along the lines of, “See how your heart is beating? That’s how I feel when I look at boys and girls.”

Soojung peeks a glance at Hyunjun and wonders what it would feel like to be attracted to a boy like him. Would he make him weak at the knees just like his first crush did when she smiled at him in the passing hallways? Would his heart pick up for every chance he got to talk to him? Would there be a possibility of a day that Soojung  _ falls _ for Hyunjun?

All the rushing questions are pushed aside in favor of sleep; he lets his body drift to the sound of rain pellets hitting the panes, to the shadows that cast itself across the blue moonlit room, and to the boy breathing next to him in oblivion. 

Lightness is the last feeling he falls asleep to and when morning rises, he’s awoken to sunlight hitting a white slate reflecting off his closed eyelids. In his groggy state, his brain still had not yet processed exactly what the white slate was. It carried weight, was a silky soft not alike the usual blanket he slept with, and all Soojung could feel was warmth. But this warmth was different to summer days or sleeping in while the weather outside was bitter. This warmth was... 

And he looked up, blonde bangs in his vision.

Hyunjun’s face was pure bliss, in the state of unconsciousness where the body was entirely relaxed, and eyelashes fanned against his eyebags. His lips were a dry pomegranate pink, opened slightly, and bangs curled inwards on his forehead with a ray of sunlight highlighting his tanned skin. His crinkles had faded into a softened dent, leaving Soojung tempted to touch but the better part of him thinks of it as an absurdity like an impulsive thought. The slight breeze outside whistles into the tiny gaps in his window, sort of like a morning serenade; everything about Hyunjun at the moment looked ethereal in sunlight and Soojung couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. 

Somewhere in between five seconds and five minutes— Soojung couldn’t tell— of just lying in his position, he realizes his arm has itself encased around Hyunjun’s waistline when the other starts moving. His heartbeat rapidly picks up for every second spent frozen in place and all he could hear were the thumps in his ears.

He thinks,  _ Oh no. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rescrapped this chapter 3 times and in the end i had it head in this direction so hyunjun and soojung can bond a little. my initial draft actually had minseok inviting them to see a horror movie with him only to ditch last minute as they waited outside the theatre for him but i didn't like where i was going with it and how i wrote it, so i decided to write an entirely different idea. ^^ i hope it's okay. 3 days until halloween woop !! what is everyone going to be?


	4. fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soojung is half convinced he has a fever after three days in a row of feeling the same heart pressuring halt.

Hyunjun is still the same guy, albeit they’ve gotten a bit closer after the blackout incident, with his heart shaped lips and bangs that naturally part in the middle. Overall, nothing drastic has changed about him, both in terms of appearance and behavior.

And yet, Soojung has been feeling odd these past few days. He burns up at the mere presence of Hyunjun when he crashes by his room to play video games with Junyoung; and because they didn’t have a third controller, most of the time Soojung sat in the back in a trance-like state staring at him. The feeling is rather ticklish and bothersome, like a mosquito bite he can’t stop irritating. 

He feels his heart stop when after Hyunjun’s first win at Mario Kart, the latter turns around with a smile to make eye contact with him. The moment is slow— the background noises are alarmingly out of sync— and Soojung feels himself getting pulled into whatever abyss Hyunjun had implanted in his eyes. But it breaks when Soojung’s forehead is hit with a bag of chips followed by a “Think fast!” coming from Junyoung. Hyunjun resumes back into the gameplay as if nothing just happened. 

He feels it again on Wednesday when he and Minseok were in line at the nearby cafe in between their break time, and in walks Hyunjun with a wave and that same damn smile. Minseok informs Soojung that he had invited Hyunjun to join them after finding out they shared the same schedule; all Soojung could do was nod and make room for Hyunjun to stand by him. 

By the time they were one person away from the counter, Minseok suddenly squeaks at his phone in alarm and runs out saying he forgot to turn in an assignment. Soojung barely gets to reply before the line moves up. He orders the usual marinated pork sandwich, asks Hyunjun what he wants, and when he slips his card into the payment terminal the screen reads “Card declined.” Soojung considers straight up leaving the small restaurant in humiliation but before he could do that, Hyunjun wraps his hand around Soojung’s wrist and says, “It’s okay, I got it.” and replaces Soojung’s card with his. The unexplainable electric shock fades into a tingle and even with his sleeves ridden up, he knows for sure that his mark is glowing.

The process is successful and the cashier hands them a receipt, telling them to wait for their order. His heart pauses when, instead of letting go of his wrist, Hyunjun drags him over to an empty table by the windows. Soojung stands when their number is called but Hyunjun beats him to it and delivers their food. They consume their orders while rummaging through small topics and at some point decides to share a dessert plate. 

Soojung is catching up about an anecdote in his social science class when Hyunjun suddenly leans forward with a napkin and dabs at the corner of his mouth. He misses the stain and wipes at the area a few more times. Soojung had long since paused in whatever he was saying the minute the tissue touched his lips and it took him a while longer to realize Hyunjun was done cleaning him, disposing of the crumpled paper onto the side of their tray. He wants to vomit his heart out from how fast it was racing, but he clears his throat and tries to remember where he left off in the conversation. Hyunjun grins at him, almost teasingly. 

Soojung is half convinced he has a fever after three days in a row of feeling the same heart pressuring halt. He gets sweaty around Hyunjun, even though they have grown past nervousness as they have been roommates for about three weeks now, and his throat clogs up when Hyunjun so much looks his way from across the room. So he says this to Minseok and Junyoung situated across from him, studying in their campus library because their internet services back at the apartment were having technical difficulties rebooting. But for the sake of preventing relentless teasing, he leaves out the bits that involve Hyunjun being the cause of it all.

“Sounds like a fever all right,” Junyoung remarks. “Or heart problems. When did that happen?”

When he woke up to the sight of cuddling Hyunjun is the answer, but he replies, “Last Friday, I think.”

Minseok settles his chin onto his palm, elbow on the table and eyes Soojung. His stare seems nothing out of the ordinary, but it leaves a prick on Soojung’s skin.

“Hm, it’s an odd season to develop a fever,” he points out. “You sure you caught something?”

“I think so.” He feigns innocence to Minseok’s suspecting glare. Minseok drops his pen and presses his palm against Soojung’s forehead, but just as quickly he retracts his hand. 

He lets out a hum, unconvinced of Soojung’s belief, but doesn’t bother to press on the subject— not when Soojung was clearly still in denial. Instead, he changes the subject.

“There’s going to be an artist performing in the cafe downtown tonight, and me and Junyoung are planning to go see. Are you up for it?”

Soojung finishes sketching out the diagrams before he speaks again. “Who’s performing?”

“The same guitarist from last time when we tried out that taro milk.”

“The mullet guy?”

“Yeah,” Minseok smacks his lips and brings his straw to his mouth, biting down on the tip instead of actually sucking on it. The ice rattles when he shakes the cup. 

“I heard they added a new addition to their menu. Mango… mango—” He turns to Junyoung. “What was the name again? Mango Dip?”

“Mango Drip,” Junyoung corrects him. He steals the beverage from Minseok’s hands and drinks it freely as Minseok continues, “Yeah, Mango Drip. So you in?” 

“I’m down, but we’ll see if it gets worse,” Soojung replies, referring to “it” as his sickness. 

It gets worse. 

Hours later, he exits out of his last lecture to find Hyunjun in the hallways, clearly waiting for him. His heart slips down onto his wrist and pounds at his mark to the point of numbness, just like the same winter he got frostbitten outside of Junyoung’s driveway. He wasn’t aware of what expression took over his face but Hyunjun strolls over with a smile and looks down at the books Soojung has in his arms. 

“Homework?”

Soojung forces his fingers to move in its paralyzed state and hugs the materials against his chest. “Oh, nah, I was just about to return them.”

He looks up at Hyunjun, about to ask why he was here, but Hyunjun speaks.

“Mind if I join?” 

Hyunjun takes the books from Soojung’s hand and walks ahead, knowing Soojung was right behind his heels and would soon walk by his side. Soojung side steps and paces himself to match Hyunjun’s movements, reaching out to take some of the weight off Hyunjun’s hands but Hyunjun doesn’t budge. He lightly elbows Soojung to push him off. 

“Why were you waiting for me?” Soojung questions.

The automatic doors at the library’s front entrance slides open when they approach, avoiding the wet floors and stepping onto the carpet. A few students skitter past, some in a hurry to get home as the sky was darkening quite a bit, and security on the first floor let out a long yawn. Hyunjun lifts his chin towards the direction of the elevators.

“I forgot I left my keys in my other bag. I’m pretty sure it’s by your bed.” It’s days later and Soojung still shares his bed with Hyunjun. With their wifi facing trouble, they couldn’t afford an exterminator to catch the supposed rat in Minseok’s room because realistically, they  _ are _ broke college students surviving off three dollars and caffeine in their blood system. 

Minseok and Junyoung made quite the show a few days after finally being able to unlock their bedroom, airing out their room with handkerchiefs tied around their nose and dish washing gloves. Junyoung held a small bin in case the rat showed up while Minseok carried the insect repellant as if that would do anything to it. They raced out a few seconds later in fear of being in contact with the small creature, and suggested they wait it out until Minseok figures out a proper solution. They temporarily transferred Hyunjun’s clothes into Soojung’s room along with his other belongings, like his pillow and a separate blanket. Minseok made it up to Hyunjun (and Soojung) by buying them a pastry the next day.

“I tried calling Minseok and Junyoung but neither of them picked up.” One of the elevators open and the pair steps inside; Soojung presses the button to the fourth floor. 

Soojung was pretty sure Minseok and Junyoung were home, but their apartment required three keys: one to obviously access their room, another for their individual bedrooms, and the third to press against the front entrance pad to enter the building itself— installed for security purposes. Hyunjun left his keys all in one ring, so if he were to lose it then he wouldn’t be able to enter the building at all, which was what happened in this case. 

The elevator stops at their destination and they step out onto the vacant floor, desert of people aside from one student exiting and two staff members. Soojung leads the way to the rental desk and Hyunjun plops the books down for the staff to scan. 

“I’m pretty sure they’re getting dressed— well— Minseok’s getting dressed to woo the guitarist,” Soojung says, waving his hands upon saying “woo”.

Hyunjun scrunches his eyebrows together. “Are you not going?”

“Probably not. I think I’m coming down with something— been feeling extra warm lately.” 

Soojung slides his student card across but he’s manhandled to turn around and face Hyunjun, who presses his palm against his forehead just like Minseok did earlier. But it feels... odd this time. And it’s not just the tingle on his wrist. Soojung’s eyes dart to the high area of Hyunjun’s nose bridge because looking directly into the other’s eyes is too intense for him, and he licks his lips out of nervous habit, feeling his cheeks and palms warming up. Hyunjun looks down at the movement for a split second and their faces are so close Soojung can count the other’s eyelashes. He doesn’t get to because Hyunjun pulls away. 

“You are a bit warm. Fever perhaps?” Hyunjun leans over to retrieve the returned student card in Soojung’s paralyzed state, who’s flusteredly blinking at him. Hyunjun slips the card into Soojung’s coat pocket, and Soojung’s organs lurch inside at the twitch of his mark dancing across his skin. His hair stands on its end and his throat heaves as if to throw up. Soojung is pretty sure he’s going to vomit his heart out sooner or later if Hyunjun doesn’t stop touching him.

“Y-yeah… fever,” he breathes out. Hyunjun equally has a hard time breathing but he hides it under his labored laughter, cheeks tinged pink, and twists his neck downwards to conceal his blush. His body protests to shed off his own hoodie because it was just  _ so _ warm being around Soojung, but he wags a hand limply at Soojung and gestures him over to the elevators.

“Come on, let’s go. I gotta pee real bad.”

Within close proximity in the elevator, both partners are left feeling overwhelmed from how hot it suddenly became. Soojung props his open palm against his lips and Hyunjun tugs his hoodie even higher to cover the lower half of his face, tucking his hands underneath his armpits. 

They arrive home just as Minseok enters the living room with a loose blouse that looks more like a flowy dress than a shirt and Junyoung with a bright red fanny pack strapped to his jeans. Soojung’s red cheeks aren’t missed by Minseok’s gaze but he chooses not to comment and instead drifts his attention to Hyunjun.

“You ready?”

“Uh, yeah,” Hyunjun wanders to Soojung’s room. “Let me just change my hoodie.”

Junyoung turns to Soojung. “Are you not coming?”

“I don’t know if I can last,” Soojung says truthfully. He was looking forward to screaming into his pillow the moment his friends left the apartment because he didn’t know how else to deal with his heart. “Plus I don’t want you guys to catch whatever I’m having.”

Hyunjun steps out just as he says that decked in the same attire as this morning aside from a darker shade of the hoodie and headphones. Junyoung is the first to exit, asking Soojung if he wants him to bring a drink back for him. Soojung shakes his head. Minseok playfully ruffles Soojung’s hair as he passes and he runs for the door before Soojung could smack him upside. Hyunjun has his lips pressed together, almost as if conflicted whether he should really go, but Minseok calls out Hyunjun’s name down the hallway so he ends up following the other two. 

When their footsteps descend the hall and the elevator pings shut, Soojung lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in the first place. He sheds his entire top off, stripping to nothing but basketball shorts to dry out the sweat on his back, and helps himself to yesterday’s leftovers in the fridge. With free time on his hands he decides to knock back with a can of ginger ale in his bed after his body had significantly cooled down. But a minute into  _ The Twilight Zone _ episodes he rethinks his decision on being shirtless, fully aware either of his roommates could walk in if they were to head home, and finds himself a tank top for a bit of decency. 

And how fortunate he thought to cover himself because towards the climax of the pilot episode, he hears his apartment door open and click shut. He figures his roommates were home but a glance at his digital clock in the bottom right corner of his screen tells him that barely half an hour had passed into late evening. Soojung questions why they were home so early.

He calls out to them. “Minseok?”

No response is given.

The episode is still playing, building towards the big reveal, so Soojung pauses it. He calls out again.

“Junyoung? Hyunjun? Is that you?”

He’s met with silence again.

He strays away from his bed and peaks out from his bedroom, staring out to the living room. Not a single person was in the small kitchen nor the living room area from what he could see, and their shoes by the rack were still amiss. Soojung recoils from his door slightly, but still keeps it ajar as he begins to doubt himself. Surely he had heard the door open.

He calls out again to prove to himself that it was just his roommates.

“Junyoung, if you came back to look for your wallet it’s in your coat pocket— the grey one. You always leave it in there.”

Silence.

So now he starts to freak out, mind running fifty miles a minute onto the possibility of experiencing a home invasion whilst his three other roommates were out having fun. But having a thief enter would mean they either broke in physically or he forgot to—

_ He forgot to lock the door _ . He realizes in his terror, eyes widening and a gasp threatens to escape. He slaps his palm against his mouth to prevent the gasp, but that wouldn’t be necessary since he just revealed his presence three separate times in an act of desperation. 

“You idiot,  _ you idiot _ — you forgot to lock the door after they left. How can you be so  _ stupid _ ?” He whispers to himself aggressively. He crouches down, grabs his phone and the closest thing he had to a weapon in his room: a tube of wrapping paper he bought half off for the upcoming holidays. He dials Minseok, the second person on his emergency contact, on instinct. 

The line continuously rings as he steps out into the short, unlit hallway with his tube raised as preparation for an attack. He prays to the Heavens that whatever he was about to face was anything  _ but _ a home invasion and a kidnapping attempt. He promptly glances over at the front door, calculating the likelihood of the invader attacking him before he could properly run out of his apartment. Judging by the clear pathway and speaking on if— and this is a big if— the invader charged at him, he should be able to make it out if he dashed for it without any hesitation. But the scenario of him tripping on that giant IKEA carpet ruins the tiny confidence he carries, and he’s back to square one in panic. 

Minseok picks up just as he steps towards the end of the hallway with a simple “What?” and a figure pops in front of him. Soojung swings his tube and the cardboard lands on something solid. The tube indents from all of the strength he put into his first swing, and he hears an exclamation of pain. He blindly swings again, but misses as the figure dodges. He stops midway into his third swing when his brain registers as to who exactly he was hitting.

Hyunjun stands in a bent position clutching at his temple as he stares at Soojung in both alarm and confusion. Headphones dangle from his neck and his other hand is holding onto a bag of to-go boxes. Soojung drops the tube in shock and hangs up on Minseok. He makes his way to the injured roommate, ignoring the same fever-like heat coil in his stomach.

“Oh my god— Hyunjun, I am so sorry,” Soojung nudges Hyunjun’s hand away from his temple and swipes his thumb on the red patch forming. The skin is flattened but by the intensity of the color, Soojung knew it would soon develop into a noticeable bump if not relieved by ice or ointments. Hyunjun lets out a breathy laugh at the situation but lets Soojung manhandle him into the kitchen to grab some ice. 

“Oh god, I thought you were an intruder,” Soojung exasperates while throwing a minimal amount of ice into the ziplock bag. “I called out but you didn’t reply so I assumed the worst…”

He presses the ice against Hyunjun’s temple rather quickly instead of gently in concern, causing Hyunjun to wince against the second force on the same area. Soojung apologizes once more, and loosens his grip to dab carefully. Once Hyunjun’s hand overlaps his, he retracts his hold.

And smacks him on his other arm.

“What was that for?” Hyunjun scowls, but both he and Soojung know he wasn’t genuinely upset.

“That’s for sneaking up on me like that. You couldn’t have at least replied to one of my call-outs?” Soojung belatedly realizes he’s in a tank top too late when he notices his mark prickle and glances down to see it passively glowing; he hides his wrist behind his back in hopes Hyunjun hadn’t seen it just now. Hyunjun didn’t, too busy eyeing Soojung’s bare arms and neckline which was a rare sight in and of itself. 

Hyunjun points to the headphones by his neck. “I was listening to music.” He says it like it was a question directed at Soojung rather than a statement. 

They make their way back to the living room and Hyunjun lifts up the bag he was still holding to drift Soojung’s attention to the content inside of it. 

“I got Chinese chicken and congee for you in case you couldn’t stomach solids,” Hyunjun points to Soojung’s face, “since you know… your fever.”

Soojung is confused for a beat second but his hands reach to feel his cheeks. They were back to being abnormally warm again. He felt fine when he was watching his episodes earlier, completely ridden of symptoms of his sickness. Soojung wasn’t aware he voiced that out loud until he heard Hyunjun question him, and looked up startled. 

“Oh, nothing, just reminding myself it’s my turn to do the dishes today.” 

When he and his two other best friends had decided to room together, they made a system to divide house responsibilities. They played rock, paper, scissors to determine who was to clean on every Monday since no one initially wanted those particular days; Soojung landed with washing the dishes on Wednesday’s and Saturday’s. But ever since Hyunjun moved in, Soojung’s schedule switched to Thursday's in replacement of the middle of the week.

“Let’s chow down, shall we?” Hyunjun heads to Soojung’s open bedroom. “I know we made an agreement to eat out here after the rat situation but I’d rather be in bed.”

“Wait,” Soojung follows right behind, bringing the cardboard tube with him. “Why aren’t you with the others?”

Hyunjun moves the laptop further on the tail-end of the bed to make room for his legs. He discards the plastic bag aside on the ground and passes Soojung his bowl of congee with one hand, as Soojung crosses to the left side of the bed.

“Just thought you’d get lonely, and high fevers tend to make  _ me _ delirious and defenseless so I came back to accompany you while you’re in that shit state,” Hyunjun snaps his chopsticks and shoots Soojung a smile. He tips his head at the paused laptop screen. “Did I interrupt?”

Soojung is glad for that change of topic because his mind is still wired from what Hyunjun just dropped on him.

“Technically yeah, but it’s okay,” Soojung moves his mouse to exit from full screen. “We can watch something else if you’d like.”

“Nah, just continue where you left off. Fill me in though.”

Soojung does as he says, explaining the context of the current visual in between scenes where dialogues weren’t available. Minseok calls back in concern at the abrupt hang-up, voice barely heard over the projected vocals of the guitarist in the background, and when he is reassured it was a panic call he grumbles about missing out on the first act and hangs up before Soojung can apologize. Hyunjun just laughs at the outcome of the call.

Somewhere along show watching, the pair gradually gets closer and closer with dinner in their lap. Hyunjun throws in his prediction before the reveal and ends up guessing correctly for the majority of the episodes they binge together. When it gets too creepy for Soojung, he hides behind his box of congee and pretends to be too invested in his food to notice the on-screen scenes. Hyunjun dumps a few of his chicken pieces onto Soojung’s plate when he ravishes his congee.

Since food was his priority as a distraction during the binge, Soojung painfully becomes aware of Hyunjun’s close proximity when he finishes his last bite. He feels Hyunjun’s arm rub against his and his elbow leaning on Soojung’s shoulder as he nurses the ice against his temple. The physical contact wasn’t much, but Soojung’s heart stutters like it was a habitual effect that Hyunjun had brought onto him and that same need to heave climbs up his throat. He leaves it there at his uvula, leaned back against the wall, and drifts. 

He thinks of the first time his crush had descended down the hall just to give him back the sweater he left behind and how his heart skipped irregularly. He can’t recall her face or her name over the years, but all he remembers is that she had a great smile and a carefree personality he got along with. A week later, she became his project partner for a group assignment meant for three people but their third addition bailed last minute. Through afterschool meet-ups in the drama building, he learned about her favorite theatrical plays, what type of songs she loved to sing, what foods she disliked, and what she thought about the discourse on mint chocolate. 

Because they spent so much time together on the year-end project, she eventually met Minseok and Junyoung during lunch. Soojung wasn’t surprised at how well she got along with the two as she was as sociable as Minseok and her endless interests eventually drew in Junyoung. She gave her broccoli to Soojung because she disliked them, lended him her favorite pen and told him to keep it because he forgot his, and exchanged homework answers when either of the two forgot to do theirs overnight. 

And now his heart is skipping again, he finds, but in the presence of an entirely, unexpected person. Soojung is certain his condition isn’t weakened by a fever, not when his mind is always preoccupied with Hyunjun. Just last week, he caught Hyunjun passing chopped carrots to Minseok’s plate and admitted to the distaste of it (it grates his teeth and gets in between the gaps); after that, Soojung made sure Hyunjun’s order didn’t come with carrots as a side-dish. He knows Hyunjun’s comfort film is Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (something he casually mentioned during one of their group’s movie nights). 

He knows Hyunjun has a fear of sleeping in the dark due to his imaginative mind (Soojung’s bedroom has a night light in the corner). He knows when Hyunjun’s down, he’ll blast music in his headphones but if that doesn’t work out well he’ll pop into either roommates’ beds and just lay there. He learns of Hyunjun’s habit of leaving the milk on the kitchen counter near the tissues because he easily forgets. He learns Hyunjun’s favorite candy flavor of all time is blueberry when he notices his purchase patterns, and how Hyunjun likes to mismatch his socks on purpose. Hyunjun prefers to sleep with a hoodie on, which is something Soojung takes in by temporarily sharing a room with him.

Hyunjun is someone Soojung hadn’t expected to invest details into, and yet all tell-tales point to him being the cause of his irregular heart patterns. He thinks of the inconsistent tangents his heart had developed, as if screaming at him to notice something within reach that he wasn’t acknowledging, and his eyes glaze over to the strand that untucked itself from behind Hyunjun’s ear. Hyunjun turns to hold his stare a second later but Soojung is unwilling to break the vulnerability between them. 

There have been moments in his life where he wished he could predict the outcome to prevent specific situations from occurring, like in the summer at the age of four when he decided to wheel his tricycle up onto his neighbor’s deeply sloped driveway with the rest of the neighborhood kids and let go of handles. He received several bruises to the knees and cuts in his palm when his tricycle flipped and skidded him across the pavement. The neighborhood kids rushed him to his house where he was nursed by his mother with cotton wads and alcohol. Or the time he had confronted one of the boys in his art class for stealing Junyoung’s phone and came home with a bruise to the cheek and a swelling pride in his chest because he managed to land a couple onto the other. 

But now, looking at Hyunjun and trying to read his expression, he wishes for nothing more than his ability to let the present be the present. If he had the ability to predict the outcome, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it unlike his past memories that shaped into what kind of person he is piece by piece. He could have prevented his summer injuries and he could have very well prevented the fist that landed on his cheek. But for the life of him— and he knows because he has tried— he couldn’t prevent his heart from beating in the presence of Hyunjun.

The bubbling emotions within his ribcage were nothing more but a flick of a flame that refused to die down, burning hotter and hotter against the melting wax. And Hyunjun was the fuel to it all. 

Soojung blames Hyunjun for his fever.

The same Hyunjun with his heart shaped lips and parted hair in the middle, who is now intently staring back at him. And he wishes this was simply a fever dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello . i am back with soojung slowly falling for hyunjun :p apologies for the late update, i have been going through something personal and i lacked the motivation to practically do anything lol. i'm still not fully there but i'm somewhat Goin . please let me know what u think ♡ catch me on twt @SANRIOIZ


	5. red light, green light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mother always told him life was all but fleeting moments, and it is through attachment and value that made it seem more permanent than it is temporary.
> 
> With a slight gulp, Hyunjun turns to stare at him at last.
> 
> “But when I’m with you, everything feels permanent."

His mother always told him life was all but fleeting moments, and it is through attachment and value that made it seem more permanent than it is temporary. It was deafening to hear those words in a soft spoken tone and the next day with such hostility as his parents argued in the next room. Their argument had diffused into the early morning when he sat at the table for breakfast, but the tension quite never left his father’s thin lips and his mother’s stiff shoulders.

Hyunjun grew up believing his mother’s words. His shared bedroom with Soojung was only short lived before his roommate helped him transport his belongings into his old space on the same day Minseok and Junyoung moved back, but the unsettling weight on his chest was crushing at the prospect of sleeping alone. 

It doubled when Soojung handed him his key left on the other’s desk with a small smile that was more of a filler for politeness than joy. He could feel the other’s stretching sadness, although his bedroom was only a door down, but just like Soojung he disregards the emotion and accepts the key. The outline of the metal object leaves an imprint on his palms.

Fall rolls around and along with layers of clothing in acquaintance with the weather, it also meant the approach of tests that unnecessarily account for half the grade. Soojung and Minseok attend their in-person lectures to review together, and Junyoung and Hyunjun reserve one of the study rooms in the library. Packed with longer hours at work for the upcoming holidays also resulted in Hyunjun coming home late just shy of three in the morning. He barely undresses himself before he crashes into bed, taking a minute too late to realize he had accidentally stumbled into Soojung’s room. Soojung blearily drapes an arm over him in his sleep and Hyunjun is too tired to move back to his own bed. So he lies, falling asleep quickly to the rise of Soojung’s breath.

Life is all but temporary, Hyunjun tells himself. One day, Soojung wouldn’t be there as often as Hyunjun sees him. One day, all of his roommates would move out one by one after graduation. Certainly, one day things will change and Hyunjun will be made to adapt to his new environment. Because life is temporary. And the thought of that makes him queasy as he lies on his bed after his last exams were finished, with headphones jammed into his ears and the volume on max. The others still weren’t back as far as he was aware. Minseok’s professor had arrived late, according to his last text messages, so he was mostly likely staying back. Junyoung was perhaps in the library returning his materials, and Hyunjun had no idea where Soojung was. 

The lead singer’s raspy voice acts as a filler for the silence deafening the wooden floorboards and thin walls. The drums come three heartbeats later followed by the aggressive strumming of the rhythm guitar, bass, and an additional keyboard that harmonizes with the instruments. And like all things, the music comes to a stop after the three minute mark. But Hyunjun doesn’t get up. He lets the song loop endlessly, absorbing himself into the rhythm.

He doesn’t know how long he lied there, music as his eternal hearing, but a wave of disappointment anchors itself onto his chest— in the same spot as when Soojung handed him his keys. It is indescribable, but somewhere in his brain he knows that emotion is not meant for him. It was beyond empathy. He feels it extend to his motor functions, urging him to get up and follow the source. His music pauses and he hears the sound of shuffling from the next room over.

Soojung’s at his desk shedding off his hoodie, back towards the front entrance, and he startles when he sees Hyunjun crawl to the right side of his bed as if he had never moved out. One of his hands jerk and he pushes a package that crunches underneath his fingertips further into his bag. The desk lamp casts a yellow silhouette onto the tiny stretch of wall bare of any decorations. 

“You were home the whole time?”

Hyunjun nods, encircling his ear buds around the rim of his ears. Soojung can hear the blaring music from where he stood and from the way Hyunjun sagged against the walls, hunched over and toeing at the corner of the wrinkled bed sheet with his buttons undone, it looked like he had just gotten up from a nap. But Soojung knew better than that. Not from the way his hoodie (which Soojung recognized was his) had ridden up, exposing a bit of his stomach, or the way his eyes glazed over the walls glittering in yellow, but from the way he seemed to hold himself. With a slouch that he hadn’t bothered to correct, he seemed drained. 

But Soojung figures if Hyunjun needed to talk, he’ll be the first to bring up. So, he sets down his laptop, accessing his school portal before he could even properly sit down. The wheels scrape at the side of his heels when he rolls his chair forward.

“Not done?” Hyunjun tips his chin at the screen weakly, referring to exams. 

“I got one more. She made it online instead of in-person.”

Hyunjun hums in response and quietly slips his earbuds back in as Soojung goes about opening his notes, decked in bookmarks and half-dried highlighters. He watches the shadows move minimally across Soojung’s nose bridge, creeping into the back of his head, and branches out onto his index finger scrolling. The cracking sound of the mouse reverberates, mimicking every ticking thought Hyunjun wants to say but doesn’t have the courage to.

He thinks of telling Soojung about how sometimes he has the urge to just pack his stuff and head back to his parents because it was the only unfortunate familiarity that seemed permanent— but he doesn’t want to face the smell of cigarette smoke on his front porch. To know his father would leave the house without a single glance back, away from the stench of the smoked carpets and ashy drapes, is enough to hold him in place and remind himself he moved for a reason. And he thinks of his mother’s long face, aging day by day. He doesn’t know how his sister is doing and a part of him doesn’t want to find out. He holds his tongue, feeling it was an inappropriate time to drop his conflicts.

Soojung takes out a package a minute later. He throws it at Hyunjun’s lap and his attention reverts back to the blue screen. 

“They restocked it today as I was passing by. I figured you might’ve wanted it.”

In truth, Soojung went to every liquor store he knew of in the area to find the exact bag of caramel popcorn Hyunjun loved to endeavor in. The boy packed a bag of it for one of his longer lectures on Thursday’s— Soojung knows because he’s seen Hyunjun leave multiple times with a bag in hand— and ate them during their movie nights on Friday’s. His sweet tooth had yet to give him a cavity to anyone’s surprise, but a bag or two didn’t rot his teeth. 

Hyunjun rips open the tip of the far corner, just the way he likes to eat it, and glances up at Soojung. 

“Thanks, but how did you know?”

“Ah,” Soojung bends down to dig through his bag, pretending to find something as an excuse to ponder over his next response. “Junyoung told me.”

Hyunjun doesn’t respond to that. He knows very well he never ate the bag in the presence of Junyoung— not due to ill intentions but the timing of both their schedules— but he leaves Soojung to his device and quietly chews on the popcorn. Consuming the gift with the knowledge that Soojung remembered such a detail about him left him feeling an inch out of a mile better than before. 

It took Soojung exactly forty-two minutes to complete his online examination— mainly due to his fortunate notes but also having Hyunjun consume his purchase on the side motivated him to do better. He cracks his knuckles, stretching away the aching of his limbs, and whilst doing so, becomes painfully aware of Hyunjun staring at him. With a slight glance to the side, he can see that Hyunjun’s eyes are trained upwards where he was stretching his arms. He peeks, only to see his mark dimly glowing, and places his arms back to the side

“I’m finally done,” He closes his laptop lid and stands up to reach for one of his hoodies strewn about on the dresser. “Want to go downtown?”

Hyunjun was put off by his bedroom. The acre of it felt uneven, the floorboards were too cold, and sunlight never quite reached his side of the window. And combined with night falling onto the roof of their building, it easily became a con to living here (but the pros absolutely outweighed that factor). So he says yes to Soojung’s plan, falls into step with his roommate side-by-side with the bag of leftover popcorn rolled up in his front pocket, and steps out onto the sidewalk underneath the whistling trees. 

They take the bus to head to whatever destination Soojung had in mind— Hyunjun didn’t ask— and squeeze into the backseats barren of any other passengers. Hyunjun seats himself by the window with Soojung on the outskirts. The further the bus pulls away from their apartment building, the easier it was for Hyunjun to properly breathe. It’s comfortably quiet between the two and the familiar burn by his collarbone lets him hold his ground, even as they disembarked after a couple of blocks passed by in a blur. 

Soojung tells him their destination is just right across a few more traffic lights, but Hyunjun’s too distracted by the fairy lights in the distance to properly hear him. Hyunjun staggers ten steps behind Soojung and the latter notices. After a slight hesitance, he sticks out his elbow with his hands in his pockets and gestures to the other. He turns away to press the crossing button when Hyunjun loops his arm through his. 

The closer the two approach the fairy lights and set-up tents, it becomes apparent that Soojung has taken him to a plaza that shelters small business and vendor shops. The brick floor reels unsteadily from the dirt base near the oak trees, probably due to the roots that plungered through, but was separated by the stamped concrete with small carts of food and souvenirs being sold. A look to his right and Hyunjun could see a middle aged man sorting toppings into a plastic container.

Wherever Soojung goes, Hyunjun follows. He stands in line next to Soojung when the other goes to order— Hyunjun makes to pay for his portion of the food but Soojung snatches the receipt before Hyunjun could. He shares his dessert by hovering it over the other’s lips.

Hyunjun has never felt his belly so full, stuffed with useless snacks, but then he looks up and sees Soojung standing underneath the fairy lights and he doesn’t have the heart to tell him he can’t handle the weight. But somehow, in some way, Soojung seems to be able to read his thoughts. He takes one look at him and says, “Want to rest over there? There’s a spot underneath that tree.” His fingertips tingle when he wraps it around Soojung’s arm— the faint electric shock barely there.

They’re walking to the tree ring, with their phones bombarded with messages asking where they were, when Hyunjun’s attention drifts to the sound of bells. On the right, there’s a wooden cart surrounded by pigeons pecking at the corn and sunflower seeds thrown onto the ground. The hand wagon is decorated with multicolored threads and twisted bracelets, stone wall decorations with the words “purity” and “fortune” carved into the front, and small bells situated onto necklaces that clang from the wind. The bells echo when his eyes land on the red stringed bracelet hanging near the patterned tapestry full of stars. 

He hears more than sees Soojung’s footsteps following behind him when he makes his way over to the pigeons, who side-steps away from his approach. The seller greets him but doesn’t stop feeding the birds flapping on the ground. He unravels the red bracelet from the hook. The bracelet wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; it was handmade, detailed with a few undone threads poking out of the flat hexafish pattern, and was a solid crimson red. The two ends were clipped together by a silver hook and in the center was a single silent bell. 

Too distracted by the accessory, Hyunjun doesn’t notice that Soojung had reached for one until callused fingers wrap around his right wrist to clip the bracelet on. Soojung knows he doesn’t need to ask if the other wants it— his expression was enough of an approval. He simply turns to the seller and politely asks for the price so he could pay, fingers digging through his wallet for an extra bill. But he’s stopped short by the other clipping the same bracelet onto his left wrist, directly underneath his exposed pink mark that shimmers in cascaded hues of lantern yellow and red. 

Hyunjun doesn’t comment on the glow— doesn’t want to scare Soojung— and instead fishes his own wallet out for the exchange. The bells clang in the retreating footsteps as they make their way back to the streetlights, lantern lights diminishing into no more than specks of color in the distance. Their fingers brush against each other, occasionally feeling the material of their bracelets sliding down their wrists and grazing a knuckle or two, but once again they pretend to not acknowledge the contact. 

It’s only when the two had sat side-by-side on the bench with an overhead glass hollowing out the sounds of the wind, bright lights casting the silhouettes of their shoe laces, that Hyunjun interrupts their comfortable silence.

“This bracelet reminds me of the ones my sister used to make,” Hyunjun comments, toying with the material on his wrist. Soojung watches his fingers slip under and slightly tug to test the elasticity of it. “She gave me a red one after my cousins told her about my mark— told me to keep it in case I stumble upon that special person. But the thread wore out from how many times I kept picking at it, and I eventually lost it.”

Hyunjun drags his one leg over the other, facing his palm up on his lap. The tip of his shoes bump into Soojung’s calves and the popcorn bag crunches in his pocket from the movement. “My mother told me everything is temporary, but sentimental value is what makes them permanent for the time-being.” 

He slightly turns his body, indirectly facing Soojung but remains staring out into the streets. 

“I bought these bracelets for you and I because they remind me of the one I lost. One day, the red will fade away in saturation. It’ll pick up lint and dust and we can clean it again, but it won’t be the same. Because everything has an end to it.” 

And this time, he initiates the silence that drags on. Soojung turns to stare at his profile, not wanting to disturb him but his eyes that walk all over the shadows on his features question Hyunjun, encouraging him to continue. He can see Hyunjun’s hesitance on addressing the next thing he plans to say but still he remains, waiting for him. With a slight gulp, Hyunjun turns to stare at him at last.

“But when I’m with you, everything feels permanent. I feel like I can live with your habit of sleeping in late and your scrunched up socks. Your tendency to listen to music in the dead of night with your headphones in, even though I can hear it from the next door down, is considerably silly but I can bear it.” Hyunjun lets out a small exhale through his nose, as if amused by his confession, and looks down at Soojung’s left wrist before he taps at the crooked bracelet. 

“When these shared bracelets fade in quality, the memory between us will still be intact. I can only hope that you feel the same.” The bus rounds the corner, striding down the lane in tandem, and their mutual contact breaks at the turn of Hyunjun’s head. Soojung hears his heartbeat thumping behind his ear drums, afraid Hyunjun would hear but hopeful that the other  _ would _ at the same time just so he wouldn’t have to verbally respond to his comment. The bus doors slide open and Hyunjun stands up. 

“Make do what you will with that,” Hyunjun pauses at the front step and turns to Soojung following from behind. “But just know that I won’t take back my words.” 

He slips in some change and heads to the very back seats where they previously sat, but changes his mind last minute and slides into one seat in front of the back row. And Soojung knows that is Hyunjun’s way of giving him space, so he plays along and settles in the back. The silence returns once more, but it is no longer comfortable.

It’s excruciating in the face of impatience and borders between the line of comfortability and discomfort. Soojung definitely feels the latter kick in after about a minute of him staring at the back of Hyunjun’s head, not sure whether it was inappropriate to reach out to him. But maybe the distance between them is exactly what he needed to collect his thoughts together. 

Because now the ball is in his court. And he knows all the signs of what he once denied to be true as his heart strings the vein by his left wrist in a rhythm only he can feel beneath the red thread. His mark glows, blinking once, twice, and fades from left to right behind the silver bell of the bracelet, and he swears he could hear the echo of it. 

One initial. Three letters. LHJ.

He looks up as the bus curves into their stop at Hyunjun tugging onto the bell pull, ready for departure from the transportation and he knows. 

He knows that Hyunjun is his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly have no excuses other than pure motivation and mental health for my delay in writing for 3 months. apologies about that but i am back for real ! this series is about to come to an end soon. i'm planning for just one epilogue/bonus chapter but i don't want to stretch this au out for too long because it might ruin the impact by doing so :p 
> 
> i really wanted this chapter to be from hyunjun's perspective in everything, and hopefully fill the audience in on more details of his backstory that he mentioned in one of the previous chapters. !!
> 
> please let me know your thoughts ♡


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